Honey (Full Throttle Series) Read online

“Gavin,” I returned, my voice harsher than I intended. “Please. I don’t ever want to be compared to anyone. And this is all casual, anyway.”

  Half of me expected him to protest. But the disappointment was deep when he nodded and agreed.

  “Sara asked me to tell you about your meeting with her. And dinner after.”

  “Right. I’m kind of tired. I’ll text her and reschedule.”

  “And dinner?”

  “I’m tired, Gavin. Let’s just celebrate separately today.”

  “Right.”

  Not wanting to face him for now, I got out of there as fast as I could, avoiding the crowd and hurrying to the parking lot to get to my car. I practically zoomed out of the lot and into the streets, thinking of home and the want to just snuggle under my blankets for comfort.

  In my head, I repeated all kinds of things to assure myself: that it was for the best, that it really was all casual, and that what he said was perhaps the biggest blessing, because it allowed me to take a step back before too many feelings were developed and eventually hurt.

  In my heart, I acknowledged that I was the biggest liar in the world.

  *****

  Time flew, and my busy schedule didn’t allow me to dwell on things too much. Perhaps it was the biggest good-luck charm in the world because it allowed me to get back on track and adjust to the life I was used to—the life of the racing world, where winning was a good thing but feeling the thrill of accomplishing something was much, much better.

  Because Gavin still had a contract to fulfill with me until the end of the season, he was still always around, lurking and observing. It was his job, and I tried not to take it too personally when he hovered too close. He had the same blank expression when I first met him whenever he was around, and we still took the same car ride home before parting ways in the hallway without inviting each other to come over.

  I tried not to take that personally, too.

  Just because I had feelings for him didn’t mean I should spend my days moping about it, especially when he hadn’t regretted our breakup and obviously thought this was the best decision. So I focused my time on my goal to win the biggest race of the year, practicing whenever I could and learning the new techniques I wanted to add to my race. My shoulder was my biggest concern because it still stung from time to time and distracted me enough that I got worried it would end up distracting me during my biggest race, too. But I pushed back my worries, pushed back the constricting feelings whenever I looked at Gavin and worked like a horse.

  Then the biggest race of my life was here, and the hype became unreal.

  The day started off with me watching over my crew, who were doing double the work to check that my car was ready. I suited up and tied my hair, then wandered over to Viktor and Roger, who were the ones I knew the best. Roger looked relaxed, and a quick conversation with him determined that he really didn’t expect to win but was hoping for the best. Viktor was a different case altogether, looking so tense that he sweated too much. I gave him a smile and told him to take it easy, and he wished me luck.

  Sara was in the bleachers, as she usually was during big events like this. I couldn’t spot her in the stupendously massive crowd, but I gave a thumbs-up in that general direction, anyway. Cars lined up in their spot, colorful and sleek. The race car drivers lined up beside each car, brimming with anticipation and the desire to be on top.

  My heart started to beat loudly in my chest, a definitive sound that got me grinning. Without thinking, I turned my head in Gavin’s direction, knowing he was lurking near the garage as always. I spotted him standing with one of the crew members, in some kind of deep discussion.

  He looked up, and our eyes met.

  My heart beat for a different reason now, but I forced it back and gave him a small smile. He returned it, and it was so sincere that I just had to keep it in my memories for looking back to in the future.

  The announcer interrupted our moment, the loud greeting making everyone roar in delight. Our gazes broke, and I looked back to the crowd as anticipation and nerves warred in me. The anticipation won out, hyping me up and making me realize this was it.

  Time to shine.

  I took a deep breath. Then I put on my helmet, got strapped in the car and waited for the start.

  *****

  There was a slight glitch to my shoulder that almost took away my lead, but I managed to control it enough to push through and get to the finish line—first.

  First!

  Like I usually did, I took my time inside the car and absorbed the moment. This particular moment was special, and I wouldn’t be alone for a while after. I took a few deep breaths, rubbed my shoulder a couple of times for good measure. Then I slid out to the crowd’s deafening roar and found that this time, there were more cheers than boos.

  My stomach jumped, and my body inwardly vibrated from the energy I was feeling. It didn’t sink in yet, even while I removed my helmet and took my ponytail out. People were offering me hugs, especially my crew who’d gathered around me and said things that mixed in a blur. Then the blur disappeared as what was happening finally sank in.

  I won the biggest race of the year.

  The nearest person was my youngest crew member, Patrick, whose eyes were shining with excitement. I pulled him in for a hug, then pulled the others in as I finally allowed myself to squeal in delight. Some of the other contestants came over to congratulate me, and the second placer, Roger, was beaming. I couldn’t spot everyone, but those I could looked genuinely happy for me.

  The cheer of the crowd started making sense. Amazed, I looked up at the chanting of my name, in awe that this was even happening to me.

  “First woman to win,” Roger shouted over the din, giving me two thumbs up. “Congratulations!”

  Oh, my God. He was right.

  The cheers lasted a long time, and it made me giddy enough to keep grinning to the crowd until my mouth hurt from the strain. I kept waving at them, even blowing kisses and winking as I threw caution to the wind and just let myself bask in the glory of this win.

  This first moment wasn’t going to be repeated, and enjoying it was the best thing there was.

  There were platforms readied for the top three, and I stood on the highest one and tried not to titter as photo-ops were held. Then we were made to stand on stage, where more photos were taken with the trophy by my side. It was a pretty little thing, and my mind was already working at where I could possibly display it in the apartment. The interview that followed was a blur, and I did my best to get through it while on my high. Then it was done, and the long day finally caught up with me and had me looking around for some of the people I actually really cared about.

  It was Sara I spotted first, standing patiently at the side and waiting for me. She looked as polished as always, not a hair out of place, and I knew I was pretty much the opposite with how sweaty and messy I probably looked right now. I ran to her and hugged her which was a bit awkward for her. But my reserved manager hugged me back, patting my back as she did so, making me giggle. Despite the tiredness, I was still pretty revved up, and that energy made me want to bounce up and down and celebrate some more. I already promised my crew a celebration, and we were going to be meeting up soon for dinner.

  “Dinner later with everyone.”

  “I’ll be there,” she promised. Her eyes gleamed. “Actually, the crew has something planned for you.”

  I grinned. Then I found my eyes wandering the area as I realized that there was one person I hadn’t seen at all since the start of the race.

  Despite our distance lately, I still wanted to share the news with him—to share the joy of this new step in my career. He needed to be there for dinner later, really, and I needed to express my gratitude for his constant support despite everything. Actually, if I was honest with myself, I wanted to express a lot of things. But for now, gratefulness was a good start.

  And maybe a hug to bridge the gap between us. An innocent hug, if I could pull it off.


  Deciding to throw subtlety to the wind, I turned to Sara. “Where’s Gavin? He needs to celebrate with us.”

  To my surprise, she didn’t answer right away. I watched as her lips tightened, almost like she was displeased. I thought she was displeased with Gavin himself, and that made me wonder what he did.

  “He had to go; that’s why I’m waiting for you—well, other than being your manager and being proud of you. You still need an escort.”

  I tilted my head, the curiosity growing.

  “So where did he go that was so important?”

  “Someone came over and needed to talk with him, so it’s best to leave them alone for now.”

  Her tone was tense, and I raised a brow. Now worry slid in. “And basing from your tone, you don’t like that person.”

  “Absolutely.”

  The suspense was killing me.

  “So who is it, Sara?”

  The answer wasn’t one I expected.

  But it certainly was one that had shock punching me in the chest and misery following.

  “His ex-wife, Tanya. She’s in town.”

  CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

  GAVIN

  Tanya Johnson, formerly Tanya Wallace, hadn’t aged a bit.

  Not that I was thinking she would, and not that I hadn’t seen her in years. I had seen her when I packed my bags and got the hell away from there, and a quick calculation in my mind made me realize that that was almost a year ago. Time had flown.

  As they said, time healed all wounds. I looked at her now, assessing the situation and trying to find the resentment I felt for her before. It was one of those things that I thought would haunt me for life, and I braced myself for an inch of that haunting now.

  To my surprise, I found none. In fact, looking at her gave me no rush of emotions whatsoever.

  “How are you, Gav?”

  We were sitting in a coffee shop, one that smelled of fresh brewed coffee and was cozy. It was also private, which was what we both needed. Tanya was wearing a yellow dress that showed off her generous curves and made her cheeks bloom at the same time, and she looked just as pretty as when I first met her—and yes, fell in lust with her.

  But there was none of that lust now.

  “I’m doing okay. Working again for Sara. How are you?”

  “I’m great. I’ve got a lot of modeling gigs lately, and they’re paying the bills. I’m still looking for that big score. So you’re gonna be working for Sara for a while?”

  There was genuine interest in her tone, something that I hadn’t heard in a long time. We’d ended everything on a sour note, and to have her here, looking friendly and calm, had me suspicious and wondering what was going on. Still, I kept my own calm and decided to just see where it went.

  “My contract with her is up in the next few months, and I’m not sure where I’m headed after.”

  “Any chance you’ll return to Los Angeles?”

  “Tanya, what’s going on?”

  My bluntness didn’t take her aback, as expected. I’d always been blunt with her, and she’d always been blunt with me—at least, she was. Probably realizing that her caution wasn’t going to get her anywhere, she sighed, leaning back in her chair as she did so. Then she leaned forward again and placed her hand on top of mine, a light gesture.

  “I saw you on television guarding that race car driver, and…well, I miss you. Seeing you made me miss you.”

  I didn’t expect those words, not really. But I could hear sincerity in her tone, and that made me wonder.

  “What did you miss, exactly?”

  This time she did look taken aback. “I miss everything.”

  “Including the fights?”

  Her eyes flared. “Why must you always be so difficult?”

  “Tanya, we were always fighting. I’m just stating it for what it is. What do you miss?”

  “I miss us. All our moments together, especially the good times. I miss having sex with you. God, I miss your touch. I miss your cock inside me.”

  Her voice had turned raspy, and usually when it did, my cock stood at attention. But it was flaccid now.

  When I didn’t respond right away, her fingers played with mine. When I still didn’t react, I saw a hint of impatience enter her eyes, which she tried to bank down. I tilted my head. “Can I ask you something?”

  “Anything. I’ll be completely honest with you,” she said eagerly.

  “You still want me, right?”

  Tanya sighed. “Completely narcissistic question, but yes. At first, I thought I had enough of you, but it turns out missing you made me realize that I hadn’t, and I still want you. I want you so badly.”

  I nodded, accepting that. Then I leaned forward. “Did you ever love me?”

  Her eyes widened. She opened her mouth, and for the first few seconds I thought she was going to gush about it like she usually did after we fought and made up—or when I found her cheating on me and she tried to calm me down. Instead, she told me the truth.

  “I didn’t, okay? But we can always give it a try.”

  And that was the truth I needed because it reflected inside me as well.

  “And do you think it will work out the second time around?”

  A doubtful look crossed her face. She stubbornly held on. “We can try.”

  Silence followed her words, and we looked at each other. Something inside me was shifting, something big and grand and opening up new answers that were hidden before—answers that I was too stupid to see on my own. I couldn’t believe it took Tanya’s visit to make me see them, but here they were, practically smacking me in the face.

  Slowly, I slid my hand off the table, watching her eyes widen again. She looked at my hand incredulously, then at me. Her mouth may have dropped open a little bit, but she kept her composure intact and closed it right back.

  “Is there someone else?” she finally asked.

  There was someone, but it wasn’t between Tanya and me. That someone was completely different, and I had made the blind judgment of lumping her together with my old relationship and making comparisons instead of taking the risk.

  And it was a mistake from the very beginning.

  I shook my head. “I think we’re better off just not going back there. I know you know that, deep inside.”

  Her face hardened, and she quickly retracted her hand from the table. “There is someone.”

  “There is,” I agreed.

  And I had a lot of to apologize and make up for.

  *****

  The text message from Sara indicated the time and place of Honey’s celebration—a pre-planned one that the crew had organized for her in their confidence that she’d win. That was pretty sweet, and they weren’t the only one. I knew she would win, too, from the moment our eyes met and I saw the fire in her honey eyes, indicating that she wasn’t going down without a fight.

  And I was right.

  I was already familiar with Daytona itself, and it didn’t take long for me to reach the place they reserved. It was a restaurant that doubled as a club, and I was pretty late, considering it took me a while to navigate Tanya’s displeasure at my news. She obviously didn’t expect it and tried her best to change tactics, sweet-talking me and trying to cajole me to come with her. But my decision was firm, and the best I could do was take her to the airport and see her to her flight. We didn’t exactly end it on a positive note, considering how put-out she was and how we barely talked.

  But we said our final goodbyw, and there was not a single thought or regret connecting us this time.

  At least, not to me.

  I entered the restaurant and scanned the place, which was a bit crowded. There were a couple of doors scattered in the area and leading to more rooms, and I asked the bartender where the room for Miss York’s celebration was located. I was asked for my name and ushered to the last door near the restrooms, and I thanked the guy and slipped inside, where I found a surprisingly huge hall with plenty of guests.

  Appare
ntly, it wasn’t just the manager and the crew inside, but also a lot of the people that Honey dealt with in the racing world—sponsors, some racing friends and a couple of Sara’s marketing team and the crew’s girlfriends. It was still a pretty intimate celebration with food on one side and drinks on the other.

  Amused, I eyed the trophy displayed beside the drinks, shining under the dim lights. It was big and bold and fitting for a big race, and I knew Honey was psyched to finally own it. There were tables pushed to the side where some of the guests were sitting, but the spacious dance floor in the middle was filled, and it looked like this has been going on for quite some time now.

  I spotted Sara to the side, talking on the phone in hushed tones—probably her husband, who I knew wasn’t able to come. Then my eyes looked around some more, trying to find the one person I was here for.

  Honey was in the middle of the dancing crowd, wearing black jeans, a sparkly purple top that clashed with her hair, and the biggest grin on the planet. It was a grin that had my heart stopping for a full second before it beat again—only it didn’t beat normally, but fast and loud in my ears. My body reacted to the sight of her dance moves, and I knew that even if she danced with two left feet or danced like a chicken, I’d still have the same reaction.

  She threw her head back at something one of the crew members whispered to her, punching him on the arm. Her honey-brown eyes sparkled with joy, and it was the kind of joy that I wanted her to experience for a long time. She deserved this moment, deserved this win.

  And selfish person that I was, I wanted to be by her side throughout it.

  I didn’t hesitate. I moved quietly, navigating the crowd and greeting those I knew who said they were glad I finally caught up. I passed by Sara but didn’t glance in her direction; my eyes focused straight ahead towards my destination.

  When I reached her side, I still didn’t speak, just enjoying the sound of her voice for a few seconds. Her body was still grooving to the music, and her Southern twang was deeper now and more recognizable, indicating that she was hyped. It always came out when she was. Indecision suddenly flitted, making me wonder if it was the proper time to interrupt it.